


Smash AU Subspace Emissary: RPG Maker Arc, Act 1

by Jackythejack



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon), Ib (Video Game), Super Smash Bros.
Genre: AU, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Creepy, Crossover, Gen, Giomommy at it again, Giovanni keeps finding kids to take care of, Gonna try to be spooky, Museums, Self-Indulgent, SmashAU, Soul Crusher Doom Bat, Spooky, Subspace Emissary (Super Smash Brothers), Violence, depictions of violence, some light swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27376684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackythejack/pseuds/Jackythejack
Summary: The Guertena Weiss' art exhibit has not had much attention lately, until now, but perhaps it is the wrong type of attention. Falling under the eyes of some greedy Banzai Blasters, Giovanni and his boys barge right in, ready to steal anything that looks pretty cool! However, things aren't all that they seem in the exhibit. With a lost little girl now in the mix, will Giovanni and his boys be able to escape? Let's fine out.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Smash AU Subspace Emissary: RPG Maker Arc, Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a running SmashAU joke where we get a new game. Everyone is Here taken to it's logical extreme with literally everyone being here. This is a part of the potential Subspace Emissary we'd get with that.

The museum, late at night, was a sight to behold. With no people to walk around and browse all of the wonderful paintings and still statues, it gave off quite the creepy vibe. The paintings, frozen in motion, would wait for the day for people to gaze upon them, and the immobile statues would stare off into the void, their dull and lifeless eyes staring off into the void. It was atmospheric. Some might even say it was the perfect night. 

...the perfect night for a heist! The glass doors on the window would receive a harsh knock from a tall and lanky teenage boy on the other side of the doors, accompanied by some other teenagers that were dressed in more than eye catching yellow outfits. After the few knocks, the teen pulled out a baseball bat with a knife taped to it, and swung it harshly towards the door. 

The glass shattered into hundreds of small pieces and fell to the ground. The teen slowly stepped inside and looked around the empty lobby of the museum. He rested his baseball bat on his shoulder and narrowed his eyes in a disapproving look. 

**Giovanni Potage**

Giovanni let out an exasperated groan and looked towards the teens that followed him in. “It happened again! How do we keep being late for our own heist? We need to coordinate better, guys!” 

“We wouldn’t be late if someone didn’t have to get a ride from their mom, Carcrash.” One of the teams, affectionately named Crusher, elbowed the one next to him harshly. 

“Oh no, we are not having this conversation again, Crusher. I told you that my car is at the mechanics! I couldn’t drive here even if I wanted to.” 

“Well maybe you should go back to driver’s training so you didn’t keep crashing the car, Carcrash!” 

“Listen here, Crusher-” 

“That is enough, you two!” Giovanni stepped between the two of them and sighed. Minions. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. He looked between the two of them and put his hands on his hips. “Now, if you two can’t play nice, you’re not going to be able to play at all. Capiche?” 

“Yes boss,” the two said in unison as they hung their heads down in shame. Giovanni gave both of them a pat on their helmeted head. 

“Good. Now, to figure out who’s going where...I’ll go looking around for anything cool. Darkstar, Crusher, you two watch out for any security guards. Carcrash, Flamester, Ben, you’re coming with me, and keeping your boss covered.” 

“How have I still not earned a nickname,” Ben muttered. 

“Because you haven’t done anything cool yet, Ben! To get a cool nickname, you have to earn it. Now, are we done whining or do we have to stand here longer?” Giovanni was trying this tough boss approach. He liked to think he was good at it, but not too good. Minion abuse was a bad habit to get into. 

“Ready, sir,” the teens said in unison as they saluted their captain. Giovanni chuckled. 

“Good! Now let’s show them the efficiency, and true evil of the Banzai Blasters!” He let out an evil laugh before walking off towards the art exhibits. “You hear me, Guertena Weiss Museum of Art? The Banzai Blasters are here to pillage your treasures!” 

And then...he just walked. There wasn’t a lot to do, after all. There weren’t any security guards around from what he saw, and there wasn’t a lot of cool at this art exhibit either. Just a bunch of dumb old paintings and statues that were either naked, which was completely gross, or missing arms, which is totally not cool! Who even was this Guertena Weiss guy anyways? His paintings are creepy! 

Well, the ones he saw so far were pretty creepy. They all had such lifeless eyes that were just staring at him, and he was pretty sure that some of their eyes were following him. Of course, this was probably paranoia, but still. 

“Is that thing looking at us?” Ben asked out loud as they passed by a painting of a Lady in Red. Giovanni looked it once over, just in time to seemingly catch direct eye contact with the painting. He froze for a moment. The painting was looking right at him, he just knew it. 

“Don’t be stupid, Ben,” Giovanni said with a wave of his hand as he forced himself to continue moving. Gotta act cool around the minions. Set a good example. 

The painting at the end of the hallway was what got to Giovanni the most. It wasn’t anything elaborate, or that good even. It’s style did not match the other paintings in the gallery, and instead it looked like a kid could have drawn it. It was a giant smiley face on a white canvas. The smile was drawn in black ink, that looked like it had just been splattered onto the canvas rather than actually painted. 

Giovanni stopped and stared at the painting for a few moments, trying to figure out who the hell thought this obvious kids painting was art. ...and why the hell was it so creepy? Giovanni shivered, but kept moving. As he walked away, he had this feeling he was being watched. At first it creeped him out, before he remembered something. Duh, his minions were following him. Of course. 

“These paintings sure are weird, huh?” He asked, not looking back so that they couldn’t see the slight panic on his face. This place didn’t give off such creepy vibes during the day. “I mean, whoever this Weiss guy was, he sure knew how to spook people huh?” 

There was silence for a few seconds, and Giovanni immediately realized he was risking his street cred if he didn’t say something soon. “I mean, spook other people. Not me, of course. Giovanni Potage of the Banzai Blasters does not get scared so easily. I have not been unnerved at all since the moment I stepped in here. I’m just that cool.” 

...more silence. Why was it so quiet. Normally one of them would start saying how cool he was. It was an amazing confidence boost that he needed right now. “Seriously what’s wrong with you guy-”

Giovanni spun around and let out a scream mid-sentence as he noticed that all three of his boys were missing! He stopped walking and continued to spin and look around the art exhibit, trying to find any sign of them but being unable to do so. “Guys? Guys, hello? Alright, come on now, this isn’t funny. Guys?” 

They didn’t come out, and Giovanni’s anxiety turned into frustration. He balled his hand into a fist. “Dammit. What does a guy have to do to get a good minion around here? I’m so nice to them and they just abandoned me.” He rolled his eyes and continued moving. Whatever! He’ll take all the cool stuff for himself. That’ll show them!

Then he entered a room composed primarily of statues and other odd things this Weiss guy had created. Mostly, it was non-humanoid structures, which was why something stood out so much that he couldn’t help but stare at it. It was a statue of...a girl? A little girl. A very accurate statue of a little girl. That was...very creepy. 

He walked closer to the statue. It was a little girl, dressed in a skirt, button up shirt and tie...thing. She was holding a rose close to her chest and her head was down, eyes closed. The thing that stood out the most was the oval pedestal the statue was standing on. It looked like it was made of solid gold, and GIovanni’s eyes widened. 

“Woah,” he muttered under his breath as he tried to lift the statue off of the pedestal. First thing he noticed was that the pedestal came along with it, so they were definitely attached to each other. Next thing he noticed...the statue was surprisingly light. He frowned and set the statue down. He didn’t want to take the whole thing with him. Maybe he could push it off of the statue? 

Slowly, Giovanni knelt down in front of the statue, and pressed on the pedestal. He was about to grab the statue’s legs when, suddenly, the statue started glowing. Giovanni yelped and scrambled back as he watched a yellow glow envelop the statue completely. 

As the yellow glow slowly subsided, the statue, which was originally consisting of dark and grey colors, would gain colors all over again. Its, or uh, her skirt and tie turned red, along with the rose in her hands. Her shirt changed to white, and her hair became brown. Slowly, she moved her head up and opened her eyes, to show red irises that seemed to stare straight into Giovanni. 

**Ib**

For a moment, the two simply stared at each other, but then the realization of what happened hit both of them, and they both started screaming at each other. Ib spun around and ran away from Giovanni, who was now realizing he was acting terrified due to a little girl. That wasn’t going to fly. He got up to his feet and quickly followed after the girl. 

“Hey! Wait up! I’m not gonna hurt you!” Yeah, good job, Giovanni. That sounds exactly like something someone who was going to hurt her would say. He didn’t care enough, however, and continued moving. He could hear her before he could see her. She was just out of reach, going down hallway after hallway, making turn after turn to try and shake off Giovanni. Her footsteps rang out through the empty halls, before suddenly, they stopped…

And then there was the scream. 

It was an ear piercing scream that rang out from the darkness of the empty art exhibit. Giovanni winced before hurrying even further after her. She probably ran into one of his boys. The poor girl was probably terrified. He should probably help her...and make sure she doesn’t call the police. 

That was, until he rounded the corner, and saw exactly what made her scream. 

It was that damn Lady in Red costume, but instead of being a lifeless painting on the wall, half of a woman’s body was out of the painting, with clawed hands and gnarled teeth, and demonic red eyes. It was off the walls, moving, and crawling towards the little girl. 

“Oh no you don’t,” Giovanni said, though he had no idea what’s going on. He pulled out his soulcrusher death bat, which was just a regular bat with a knife taped to it. A pink, foggy substance appeared around him, and he suddenly burst forward with great speed, right behind the Lady in Red. 

“Teleports behind you,” Giovanni muttered under his breath before smashing down on the monsters back with his bat. The monster screamed out in pain, but he didn’t stop smashing down on her back. He kept going until, suddenly, she was blasted away from him. She was shot away at an angle, and started bouncing off of walls and further down the hallway. Giovanni watched as she flew off, before turning his attention to the girl. 

She was terrified, looking at him with widened eyes. She seemed far too nervous to do anything on her own. Great. Looks like Giovanni was babysitting again. 

“Hey, kid,” he offered a hand to shake. “The name’s Giovanni Potage. Here to help you out, alright?” 

The girl didn’t shake her hand. She just continued to stare, and he faltered. “Look if you don’t want to shake that’s fine but-”

“Ib. We need to get out of here.” She grabbed his hand and gently tugged on it to get him moving, but Giovanni didn’t budge. 

“Hey, kid, listen, you’re going to be fine. No need to rush. Before we get you out of here I just need to fine a few friends of mine and then-”

“We need to leave.” She pointed behind Giovanni, and he looked behind him. His eyes widened as he realized that, along the painting that lined the walls, other types of creatures and beasties that would go bump in the night were slowly crawling out of the portraits. Okay, this was not how he wanted tonight to go. 

“You know, I think I get where you’re coming from,” he said as he readied his bat and charged down the hallway, with Ib following behind him at a safe distance.


End file.
